While I'm adjusting to life as a mom of three, please enjoy this guest post from personality psychologist, freelance journalist, and mom Heidi Smith Luedkte, Ph.D., author of Detachment Parenting: 33 Ways to Keep Your Cool When Kids Melt Down.
In Parenting, Less is More
Most parents I know want to do the very best they can for their kids. That means offering snuggles of affection, words of wisdom, and doing what we can to give kids a fun, happy childhood.
But those good intentions can create an emotionally exhausting life for Mom and Dad. When we give kids every minute of our attention, we get tired and cranky. When we talk too much, kids miss out on the chance to think through what happened and share their own thoughts and feelings without being influenced by ours. When we do whatever it takes to soothe bad feelings, we may steer clear of emotional hot spots and miss out on teachable moments.
In my e-book, Detachment Parenting, I give readers tools they can use to manage their own feelings and guide their children through a healthy coping process. Over time, these coping skills become part of a child’s social skill set and that makes both kids and parents feel good about themselves.
If you’re searching for ways to create a positive emotional climate in your home, I’d suggest you start doing less, not more. Doing less means giving kids more freedom to do their thing and giving yourself more space to do yours. It means we give others responsibility for themselves, while we offer generous encouragement and assistance.
Here are three less-is-more ideas from Detachment Parenting:
1) Before you become overwhelmed, call in reinforcements. A spouse, friend or family member can give you a chance to get away and regroup. Asking for help (and accepting it) models an important skill for kids. No man (or mom) is an island. Loved ones feel included and important when you let them take a bigger role in your family.
2) Respond with a sudden burst of slow. In stressful situations, your actions and words may speed up and cause everyone to get edgy. Deliberately slow yourself down. Move and speak in slow motion. This breaks you out of an automatic fight-or-flight pattern of responding and sucks the life out of the emotional storm swirling around you. You’ll feel more composed and able to cope.
3) Observe instead of intervening. I know it’s hard to listen to kids cry or to watch a tantrum unfold in the toy section at Target. But don’t rush in to diffuse things too soon. Step back and watch with detached curiosity for a minute or two. Observation may reveal your child’s emotional triggers and response patterns, and it can help you regain a sense of calm. Once you have a big-picture view, step in and start coaching. Ask questions and affirm feelings, instead of offering treats or criticism.
You’ll find more practical, stay-cool strategies in my e-book, Detachment Parenting: 33 Ways to Keep Your Cool When Kids Melt Down. Check it out here or like my Facebook fan page to get similar calm-mom tips and tools. You can also enter to win my mother’s day Stress-Less Giveaway May 6th through 12th using the “giveaway” tool on the Facebook page. One winner each day will get a free copy of Detachment Parenting, along with a basket of self-soothing goodies for body and spirit.
Many of my articles and blog posts center on helping kids sleep well—but I often write about better sleep for adults, too. Here are eight blog posts and three of my national print articles to help grown-ups get their recommended daily intake of zzzzs.
National print articles:
My new e-book Sleep Tight, Every Night: Helping Toddlers & Preschoolers Sleep Well Without Tears, Tricks, or Tirades is available now!
Adults 
