Ask Malia: Is It Sleep Regression?

Dear Malia,

Our son is now 6 months old. He started out a great little sleeper and by 4 months he was having sleep regression issues. We were able to get him to sleep from 6 p.m.-3:30 a.m., but then he would be up for an hour or two before going back to bed. We tried to correct that for about two weeks and did not get anywhere. Then he cut his first two teeth, now he is back to being up every couple of hours.

I tried to go back to the pacifier to help him soothe himself to sleep, but as soon as it falls out he wakes up crying. Now my husband is very frustrated that I gave him the pacifier back and have created this mess. I am not sure what to do to get him back on track now.

His daily routine is:

7 a.m.—wake up

8 a.m.-10 a.m.—nap 1

12 pm – 2 p.m.—nap 2

4 p.m. – 5 p.m.—nap 3

7 p.m. —begin bedtime routine. Change diaper and clothes. Go to the bedroom and cuddle/rock while he gets his bottle. After his bottle we cuddle a little bit more to make sure his belly doesn't hurt. By this point he is normally relaxed and will fall asleep with some patting. Some nights we can put him to bed with no problems and he will sleep until 3:30 a.m. Other nights he could be up every hour and very upset. We haven't been able to figure out how to keep him asleep. We tried giving him his pacifier back since that helps him fall asleep fast, but once it falls out he wakes up. 

Hope you can help—we really need some sleep!

********************************************

First, your situation is not uncommon. In fact, I suspected what was going on from the first few lines of your email, but peeking at his daily routine confirms it: I believe he is napping too much during the day. Although many parents believe that babies should nap for two hours at time, long naps like this start cutting into nighttime sleep quickly when there are two or three of them in one day. Once babies pass the newborn stage, many simply can’t take a couple of two-hour naps, plus a third nap, then go to bed at 7:30pm and sleep through the night. They just don’t need that much sleep. Even more importantly, they need enough awake time during the day to build up an appropriate drive to sleep all through the night.

"Undertiredness" often causes long night awakenings and fussy, on-and-off night sleep. I wrote about it in Ready, Set, Sleep and also wrote a blog post on the topic: Not Too Tired, Not Too Wired: Correcting Overtiredness and Undertiredness.

At six months, most babies can handle being awake for up to 2.5 hours at a time (though many need a shorter awake period first thing in the morning.) Many have two full naps, one morning and one afternoon, followed by a shorter nap around dinnertime.

I suggest a schedule as follows:

7 a.m. wake
8:30 a.m. to 10 a.m. —nap 1
12:30 p.m. to 2:30 p.m. —nap 2
5 p.m. to 5:45 pm—nap 3
Bedtime routine 7 p.m. – 7:30 p.m.

Try keeping his morning and afternoon naps to 1-2 hours each, and aim o keep his total day sleep under five hours.

When extending his awake times, do so slowly (10-15 minutes per day). He will likely be quite tired for the first few days, but of you stay with it he will begin sleeping more soundly at night and have less trouble staying awake for longer during the day.

As for the pacifier, he is so close to the age when he can replug himself (as long as he is not swaddled). If he is swaddled and you don't want to stop swaddling, you'll have to determine whether you want to continue using the pacifier until you wean the swaddle, and his arms are free to replug himself. If you aren't swaddling, I would begin having him work on replugging during  the day to encourage that skill. Put him in his highchair or on his play mat with the pacifier in front of him and have him practice getting it himself.

Hope this is helpful. Please let me know if you have questions! And good luck!

Don't miss a post! Subscribe to The Well Rested Family to have sleep news, tips, and tactics delivered to your inbox or feed reader by clicking here.

Need more sleep? My e-book Ready, Set, Sleep: 50 Ways to Help Your Child Sleep So You Can Sleep Too is chock-full of mom-tested solutions to help babies and toddlers start sleeping well, tonight!

Easy Ways To Beat Nightmares

There’s a chill in the air, football’s on, and it’s (finally) getting dark before 8 p.m. Hooray for fall! With Halloween right around the corner, it seems appropriate that I’ve been fielding plenty of parent questions about nightmares. Since my own daughter has hit the age—five—when bad dreams start bubbling up, many parents of her friends and classmates are asking how to squelch nightmares. One reason recurring nightmares are such bad news is that they disrupt nighttime sleep patterns just as kids are leaving toddlerhood sleep problems behind and settling into their snooze groove.

After researching and writing “Fright Night: Eight Ways to Beat Nightmares,” in this month’s Calgary’s Child magazine, I know that it’s not necessarily possible or even desirable to get rid of all nightmares; unsettling as they are, they may serve a developmental role. But parents can take action to help minimize and prevent many scary dreams. Check out the article to learn more.

And, bonus: if you’re wondering about the difference between nightmares and night terrors—two very distinct states that are often confused—check out this post from my archives: Night Terror Myths and Facts.

Don't miss a post! Subscribe to The Well Rested Family to have sleep news, tips, and tactics delivered to your inbox or feed reader by clicking here.

Need more sleep? My e-book Ready, Set, Sleep: 50 Ways to Help Your Child Sleep So You Can Sleep Too is chock-full of mom-tested solutions to help babies and toddlers start sleeping well, tonight!

Ask Malia: Son Sleeps at Night, Hates Naps

Dear Malia,

I'm hoping you can help me. My almost 11-month-old has never, ever been a good sleeper. What worked for my much older son at night (co-sleeping, nursing on demand) has not worked for him. We did various sleep training methods before finally doing cry-it-out, which mostly worked. After three months, he is now sleeping from 8 p.m. to 6 or 7 a.m., with a short wake up around 1 a.m., which he puts himself back to sleep after only a minute or so. This has been going on for about a week, so I hope it sticks.

The issue we're STILL having is naps (never been a great napper either). He was taking really good naps: two naps for 60-90 minutes each, for about six weeks. And now, he is taking two naps for less than 40 minutes, usually more like 25-30 minutes.

I consistently put him down at the same time, by nursing him to sleep in a dark room, with a humidifier going. We read books to settle down and I always make sure he's comfy and fed.

A friend of mine has a close colleague (she's a psychologist) who is an adolescent sleep expert and she said it's one of three things: an allergy that is upsetting his tummy, he needs me nearby to sleep, and/or overtired. It's not the first two, I am certain, and I like to think that he isn't overtired when I put him down... he's up at 7 a.m., down by 9:30 a.m., and his second nap is at 1 p.m.

Is there something I am missing!? He seems miserable from lack of sleep and wakes up from his naps grouchy! I am in grad school and need those precious naptime hours to study and work!

*****************************************************

Hi there. I do have an idea as to what is going on (and it isn't any of the answers you’ve been given). I believe he may be gearing up to start the long process of moving to one nap. This happens, on average, at 15 months old, but for some children it starts much earlier. My oldest went to one nap at 10-11 months.

One clue that this may be the case is that he seems to need less sleep than average. If he's sleeping 10 hrs at night plus 2-3 hours during the day, that's only 12-13 total in a 24-hour period, which is a couple of hours below average for his age. Children who naturally need a bit less sleep than their peers often drop naps earlier than average.

I don't think he is necessarily ready to drop the nap yet, but he may be getting ready to transition (the transition can take 3-5 months).

Another sign is that he is waking up after such a short nap and acting as though he wants more sleep. That's a sign that he can be awake for longer before his naps and that he needs a longer awake period before naps to build up enough tiredness to take a restorative nap. (If that makes sense).

At 11 months, many babies can handle being awake for 3 hours + during the day (slightly shorter for their first awake period of the day). You can try a routine like this: up at 7 a.m., first nap at 10 a.m., up from first nap at 11, second nap at 2, up from second nap at 3:30.

It's also important to wake him from his nap, especially the first nap of the day, so the rest of the day's routine doesn't get thrown off and push bedtime too late. I know you like the two-hour  naps, but the long naps aren't worth potentially ruining his nighttime sleep that you've worked hard for!

My article on navigating the tricky transition from two naps to one, Dropping a Nap Without Drama, might be helpful.

Let the napping commence! Good luck.

Don't miss a post! Subscribe to The Well Rested Family to have sleep news, tips, and tactics delivered to your inbox or feed reader by clicking here.

Need more sleep? My e-book Ready, Set, Sleep: 50 Ways to Help Your Child Sleep So You Can Sleep Too is chock-full of mom-tested solutions to help babies and toddlers start sleeping well, tonight!

Ask Malia: Sleep Schedule for a 9-month-old?

Dear Malia,

Quick question about my little Alice—at what point should I start enforcing a strict sleep schedule? Currently, she gets up between 6:30 and 7:30 and throughout the day, goes down for a nap about 2 hours after waking up from her last nap. This has her napping 3 to 4 times before going to bed around 9 p.m. She just turned 9 months old and luckily, goes down pretty easily. I am just not sure when to start waking her up in the am if she 'oversleeps' like she is today (it is 8 a.m. and she isn't up yet but she has been sick so I am not surprised she needs to catch up a bit).

***************************************

First, I never advocate strict schedules for babies, young children—or really, anyone. I’m not much of a strict scheduler, myself. I am, however, a fan of flexible routines that bend when you need them to, and more importantly, bend back.

At 9 months, Alice is old enough to be taking 2 daily naps (one in the a.m., one after lunch), not 3 or 4 . Many babies take a third nap, a short late afternoon/early evening nap (30-45 minutes at most) that they drop around 9 months.

To get her routine started, I suggest waking her up by 7:30 at the latest—setting a consistent a.m. wake-up time is the single most important thing you can do to encourage a consistent, healthy sleep routine. Because she still takes multiple daytime naps, letting her snooze later in the a.m. results in a late bedtime and a routine that varies widely from day to day.

In the morning, try a nap around 10 a.m., and another nap around 1:30 or 2 p.m. If she can't make it to bedtime without a third nap, a short nap around dinnertime is OK--no more than30- 45 minutes, just to get her through. Since this nap is so brief, it can be in a swing, carrier, or carseat if needed. Then she can go to bed around 7 or 7:30 p.m.

So instead of 3 to 4 naps, it's more like 2.5. You're still not keeping her awake for much longer than 2 to 2.5 hours at a time (though at her age many babies can go 3 hours or more, so it wouldn't hurt to gently stretch her awake periods if she's ready). But with fewer naps, her naps should be longer, and she can go to bed earlier (yay!).

Good luck, and let me know how it goes!

Transitioning to a School-Year Sleep Routine

We just finished our final camping trip of summer 2012. The laundry's still sitting downstairs, along with our tent and bags, all smelling of campfire. To put off the inevitable camping clean-up, I flipped open my laptop and glanced at my calendar. That's when I remembered that school starts in a few days. A few. Days. Sorry, laundry, you'll have to wait. Let's just say I will be hitting the school supply aisle hard tomorrow.

If your kids haven't started back already, they will soon. And checking off their supply list is the easy part of back-to-school. Dragging them out of bed in the morning after months of late summer bedtimes: not so easy. Crash Course: Returning to School Year Sleep is an article of mine that can help you make a smooth transition to fall's earlier mornings and school-night bedtimes (it's an oldie but goodie, from the August 2010 issue of Genesee Valley Parent magazine). These tips should get your brood on the right track, whether school started earlier this month or you're still awaiting the first day.

Happy school year!