Guest Post: A New Mom's Sleep Glossary

In the world full of mom bloggers, my friend and fellow writer Abigail Green is a rare find: An accomplished journalist who is also a brilliant essayist. Trust me, her writing is as hilarious as it is sincere. Her popular blog Abby Off The Record tracks the growth of her two active boys, but many new readers may not know that Abby has been sharing the ups and downs of new parenthood for ages (since 2005, to be exact).

Luckily, Abby's newly-released ebook Mama Insider: Laughing (And Sometimes Crying) All the Way Through Pregnancy, Birth, and the First 3 Months gives readers a glimpse of Abby's journey into mamahood. It's chock-full of insights and observations for nearly-moms and newbie-moms, and it's guaranteed to make you see the lighter side of things--even when you're sleep deprived.

Here's an exerpt from the ebook. Want more? Here's where you can buy the full version.

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Sleep Glossary: From Nap Trap to Sleep Slut  

By Abigail Green      

If there’s one thing new moms are obsessed with besides their babies, it’s sleep. Who’s getting it, who’s not, when, where, and how often becomes a huge topic when you’re a parent.

When my first child was born, I was devastated to discover that I—a lifelong champion nighttime sleeper—was not capable of napping during the day. So during my many, many waking hours, I would chart my son’s sleep habits in a little notebook. I think I was hoping for a predictable pattern. Or maybe I was just insane from lack of sleep.

Anyway, charts and graphs made no difference. He would take a random three-hour nap one day, and the next day—even though he got up at 5 a.m. —he’d only sleep for an hour. I would have been better off spending my time thinking up entries for my Sleep Glossary. Here’s what I’ve got so far:

Nap trap: When the baby falls asleep in the car and you can’t decide whether to risk transferring him to the crib or stay in the car until he wakes up.

Sleep peep: When you or your over-anxious mother wants to go into the sleeping baby’s room “just to check on him.” Don’t do it. Leave well enough alone.

Snooze sham: 1. When you lie to other people about how long your baby’s been sleeping through the night. (Note: It doesn’t make you seem like a better parent, it just makes other, more sleep-deprived parents want to kill you.)  2. When you pretend you’re sleeping so your spouse has to go tend to the baby.

Abigail Green, authorSleep debt: When your spouse owes you a period of uninterrupted sleep in exchange for you getting up with the baby in the middle of the night.

Slumber splurge: When you sleep for obscene lengths of time when someone else is taking care of the baby.

Sleep slut: Someone who will sleep anytime, anywhere they get the chance—even if it means skipping church, sleeping on a bed with no sheets, or sleeping in when it’s their spouse’s turn.